Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
