In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
