Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I did not marry a roomba.
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