I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Can I color on your dick again?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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