Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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