I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
