so that wasnt chicken after all
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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