He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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