My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
