I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
When did angry sex become our thing?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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