I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I FOUND THE LEGS
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
