My nipple is on Facebook.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
