fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
