Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
