I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
