I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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