2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
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She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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