Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
