Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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