make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
