you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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