after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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