Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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