dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
