That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
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Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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