You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
