i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Everything about him screamed your future.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
