And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
