i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
