When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
