I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
