bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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