"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
