I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Everyone says I win the strip club
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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