last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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