he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
