the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
