Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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