I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
