I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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