so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
pop tarts are not kleenex
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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