Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Are we still banned from the library?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
