I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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