just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
