Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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