im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
