This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
