I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Jerry, you need to find god
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
