Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
