I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
