Screwed.edu
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
