My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
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We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
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I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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