i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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