All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
