Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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