Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
