please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
