i was born a porn star she said
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
