I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
