We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
