Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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