nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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