I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
