Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
