the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
