Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
