Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
